Monday, May 18, 2009

How Global Recession saved the world

Economic recession is a good thing after all. The current financial crisis has done something that our government could never do in 61 years since Indian independence. It has brought down the disparities in distribution of wealth among rich and poor. For instance, let us consider the case of a small farmer named Deen Dayal (name changed here to maintain anonymity), who is living in a remote village of India named Charanpur, where not even a single politician would ever dare to go, and the only civilized person from a city or a town to visit the doomed place is Shahrukh Khan, who thinks that leaving NASA and living in Charanpur is a cool thing to do, and would bring a definite Oscar win this time for his director. Anyway, Deen Dayal, who once could not earn money enough to support his family of one wife, seven daughters, four sons and two bullocks, is a very satisfied person today. Reason – Well, he recently came to know that the current global financial situation has suddenly left him as rich as the global financial giant Lehman Brothers.

Terrorism is at an all time low today. There have been some miniscule incidents here and there, such as 26/11 Mumbai attack, or the attack on Sri Lankan cricketers in Pakistan, but nothing major. And thanks to global recession for that, which has ensured that the lending power of banks reduce to such levels that they are not able to finance terrorist groups such as Al Qaeda, Lashkar-e-Toiba, Hizbul Mujahideen and Yashraj Films, either knowingly or unknowingly. Result – These terrorist groups are now not in a position to purchase weapons and artillery to attack a city, or produce movies to attack the whole nation and oversees as well.

One of the many terrorists from the terrorist outfit Yash Raj films, Picture taken directly from the scene of latest attack by the group.

Pollution levels in major cities have reduced drastically in past few months as majority of industries, that used to emit harmful gases in the environment, resulting in global warming and creating a black cloud of smoke in the atmosphere as if sending an SOS signal to inhabitants of another planet to come and save the world from the path of self-destruction that it has set itself onto, without realizing that those aliens are not the friendly ones like those shown in the movie ET but are rather more of the destructive kind whose sole purpose of existence is to see the end of mankind, just like the ones from the movie War of the Worlds, both movies considered to be masterpieces to have come out from the shelf of Mr. Steven Spielberg whom I rate as the greatest Hollywood director ever, next only to Alfred Hitchcock and Stanley Kubrick, have now gone bankrupt due to the current global financial situation and have pulled their shutters down. However, the important point to be noted is that the previous sentence is fourteen lines and one hundred and sixty six words long, and does not have even a single spelling or grammatical mistake when copy-pasted in Microsoft Word.

Pollution levels have reduced because the industries have closed down. But that is just one of the many reasons. The other notable reason is that those who lost all that they had to the global recession, are now walking on foot, rather than riding a chauffeur driven Rolls Royce. And then there are those who are counted among the elite few, as they have enough money left to purchase a bicycle, and thus are willingly or unwillingly contributing towards the noble cause of keeping pollution levels under check on the planet.

Also, as a result of shutdown of majority of industries, the consumption of our natural resources such as petroleum, wood and coal has significantly reduced. It is being assumed that these natural resources, instead of lasting for mere 10 years as predicted earlier, would now survive the wrath of humans, and would last till the end of the world, which as per Mayans’ prophecy is 2012.

These are only some of the global problems that recession has been able to solve. If you know about any more which have been solved by the current economic situation, do leave a comment.

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